Back to Your child's development

Emotions, behaviour & play

What you need to know:

This refers to the development of your child's personality and how they form relationships with people that they interact with. They will mostly learn from this from play and also by watching you and how you interact with people in various situations, e.g. if they see you are angry and shout at them, then they will learn to shout when they are angry, whilst if they see you pause to calm yourself and then try to explain the situation then they will learn to deal with challenging situations in a more positive manner.

 
What might my child be doing?

Newborns 0-3 months

  • From 6 weeks of age, your baby will smile back when their main carer smiles at them

Babies 3-12 months

  • Your baby is starting to show more emotion and can laugh, smile, show excitement when happy or grimace with frustration when denied what they want
  • From 9 months old, your baby might show signs of separation anxiety where they might cry when away from their carer and stranger anxiety when they get upset around people they don't know

Toddlers 1-3 years

  • Your toddler is going through a lot of emotions without knowing how to express it. This may come out as tempers tantrums when they don't know how to put into words that they are feeling frustrated, sad, angry etc.

Preschool 3-5 years

  • At 5 years old, children develop a sense of awareness such as worrying about not being liked and knowing how to be funny in order to make people laugh

Newborns 0-3 months

  • Your one-month year old will know your voice and by 6 weeks of age they will recognise you and respond to your voice and smile

Babies 3-12 months

  • Your baby knows your voice and has a stronger attachment to you
  • By 6 months, they know other people can also look after them and can recognise and enjoy spending time with them

Toddlers 1-3 years

  • From 2 years old, separation anxiety should settle, as your toddler will understand that you will come back when you leave them

Preschool 3-5 years

  • By 4 years old you child might enjoy tricking you such as pretending to be asleep

Newborns 0-3 months

  • In the early days, your face is the most interesting thing to your baby. They might also like looking at toys with contrasting colours e.g. black and white

Babies 3-12 months

  • At 6 months they will start to show enjoyment when you play with them e.g. tickling, playing peek-a-boo, singing to them etc.
  • From 6 months your baby will explore objects by reaching to grab them and tasting them

Toddlers 1-3 years

  • At 12 months of age your toddler will love to explore their surroundings with you close by, e.g., by crawling towards a cupboard and pulling out all the hidden items in it
  • From 18 months of age, they might start to do 'pretend play' where they will pretend to drink from a toy cup, or put a phone to their ear and start talking
  • At 2 years old they will start playing games with other children and having friends

Preschool 3-5 years

  • By 4 years old they understand how to share and take turns and their imagination becomes quite dramatic in their play e.g. playing mums and dads

  • Give your child hugs to provide your child with a sense of comfort, safety and confidence
  • Being nearby when they are trying new things out, to help them develop their independence and self-confidence
  • Play together and give them your full attention when doing so by smiling at them, giving eye contact, e.g. messy play, outdoor play, art-based play and roleplay
  • If your child has difficulty changing from one activity to another (ending a game to then leave the house to meet people), try to make sure your child knows that the activity will be changing. Give them plenty of time to prepare themselves for this change by giving them occasional reminders. Increase these reminders as the next activity approaches
  • Be you child's role model on how you would like them to behave with others e.g. if you have a child who interrupts persistently - be mindful of actively listening to them and allowing them to finish what they want to say before getting your own point across or focusing on something else. If you have a child who snatches - be mindful of asking for things politely and not grabbing things yourself
  • Be more aware of how you speak to your child - if you are struggling with a child who says 'no' to everything - try to avoid using the word 'no' yourself and explain in short sentences why you are not giving permission now and when you would reconsider their request. Tell them what you would to do as opposed to telling them what no to do e.g. say 'please use kinds hands' instead of 'don't hit!' or try saying 'please use your quiet voice' instead of 'don't shout!'
  • Encourage your child's imagination by reading together, telling stories, singing songs etc.

When your baby:

  • cries persistently without you being able to settle them
  • doesn't appear to like cuddles
  • doesn't pay attention to faces
  • doesn't smile back from 6 weeks old

By 2-3 years old, when your toddler:

  • seems to be in their 'own world' with very little interest in their general surroundings
  • can be very particular and infatuated about certain things
  • when they persistently and continuously can not listen or pay attention to adults requests/instructions

By 4-5 years old, when your pre-schooler:

  • doesn't look you in the eye to communicate with you
  • isn't interested in other children
  • doesn't do any pretend or imaginative play
  • enjoys obsessive, repetitive things e.g. lining things up, wanders around aimlessly, throws things
  • does not have a strong bond with their carers. Things that you may notice could include; not looking for comfort when upset, but will expect you to approach them, not appearing to enjoy praise for doing a good job, not running up to you after a period of separation, when they have routines that are near impossible to break or have purposeless rituals that they must do in order for them not to have a meltdown, etc.

You should be concerned at any age if your child stops doing what they were previously able to do.

If you think you are having trouble with your child's behaviour and emotions or finding it difficult to know how to play with them, discuss your concerns with a professional like a Health Visitor, GP, or a nurse/school teacher who can provide advice and consider what support might be appropriate.

There are many sensory issues associated with sleep including:

  • Sensitivity to sound, touch, and visual stimuli which can be distracting and distressing and can affect the process of falling asleep.
  • Interoception difficulties, particularly recognising when hungry, full or thirsty or when the person is tired. 
  • Some children are more sensitive to foods like sugar, caffeine and additives which keep people awake.

Look at the bedroom environment to see what may be affecting their ability to go to sleep and stay asleep. Do their pyjamas and bedclothes feel comfortable, are they too hot or cold?  Is it too light or too dark, too noisy or too quiet? Perhaps it is too cluttered and stimulating. Think about your child’s diet. Are they eating too early or not having enough to eat? Are they eating food that can stimulate them close to bedtime. There can be added difficulties where children have restrictive diets but some simple adjustments of what is eaten and when can make a big difference. 

Click here for more information on sensory issues.
 

Sticking to the same routine helps your child to know what to expect at bedtime and helps them feel secure. It also helps to support your child’s internal body clock and keep it on track. The age related sleep advice and information on this website can help with establishing routines. Some children will benefit from using picture timetables, timers or social stories to help them understand their bed-time routine. More information about visual supports can be found on these websites

Visual Resources | Autism West Midlands 
Visual Supports | Autism Toolbox Autism Toolbox

Your child may be feeling overstimulated after a busy day and needs help to wind down, or their environment may be overstimulating with lots of toys, TVs and computers within reach. Avoiding TV and computers or hand-held devices an hour before bedtime can help your child to wind down. Activities that are good for the wind down period are jigsaws and colouring. Having a relaxing bath and milky drink can help some children, but for some children having a bath can over-excite them so they may need to have their bath earlier in the day.

Children who wake to use the toilet, wet the bed, or who wear nappies or pull-ups at night that need changing may have disturbed sleep. Eric, the children’s bowel and bladder charity are a good source of advice on this topic.

 

What might help 

Keeping a sleep diary 

A sleep diary can help you understand what may be causing difficulties with sleep. Fill it out every evening and record as much as you can. You can use it to spot patterns and make changes that may help. 

The Sleep Charity have templates you can download; one for teenagers and one for younger children. 

Seeking advice and help from sleep services 

There are organisations that can help you if you are having difficulties with your child’s sleep. There are many national organisations, including those who specialise in sleep for SEND families, and there are also community-based services in Shropshire, Telford and Wrekin. Click the link at the bottom of page to visit our support services page. 

Understanding sleep cycles 

The circadian sleep cycle is a 24-hour cycle that helps govern essential bodily functions especially the sleep-wake cycle. It plays a vital role in a person’s ability to sleep in one consolidated block of time at night and to stay awake during the day. As the sun sets in the evening, the brain begins producing melatonin, a hormone that induces sleepiness. Core body temperature also drops.

As melatonin and tryptophan (an amino acid which helps produce melatonin) are naturally produced in the body, there are things you can do to help their production.  Darkness helps to promote the production of melatonin which is why it is a good idea to put your child to sleep in a darkened room, and light emitting devices such as tablets and phones also can destroy Melatonin so should not be used for at least an hour before bed. New research shows that limiting exposure to screens and increasing physical activity levels during the day has a positive effect on children's overall physical, mental health and wellbeing, including sleep.

Setting a waking time consistently even in holiday times, called ‘anchoring’ the wake time, can help to reset the body clock over time. This should be accompanied with exposure to lots of light on waking to support circadian rhythm. 

Melatonin and tryptophan occur naturally in some foods and drinks such as milky drinks and cereals which is why having a milky drink before bed can help settling to sleep. For more information visit Diet & Sleep - The Sleep Charity

Prescriptions of melatonin

Behavioural strategies and practical solutions are the best way to address sleep difficulties, but if they are having a significant impact on your child’s ability to function, a drug form of melatonin is sometimes prescribed for neurodivergent children. As the drug’s function is to re-set sleep and wake cycles, it works best combined with good sleep hygiene practices. It is important that is it taken under medical supervision and not purchased on-line so that it is closely monitored for dosage and side effects. It should be prescribed for the shortest period necessary as the long-term effects of the drug on children’s development are not yet known. 
In Shropshire, Telford and Wrekin the Community Paediatric Service and the BeeU Service (CAMHS) can prescribe Melatonin for children and young people who meet ALL of the following criteria.

  1. the child/young person must be open to and being treated by the service due to a neurodevelopmental/mental health need (diagnosis not required)
  2. sleep issues are causing significant impact on the child/ young person, for example due to daytime sleeping or behavioural problems that are impacting daily functioning or educational attendance
  3. behavioural approaches have been tried and failed. These may have been offered by the service (where available) or by community sleep support services.

GPs are unable to prescribe Melatonin although they sometimes issue repeat prescriptions when prescribing has been started by a specialist (such as a paediatrician or child psychiatrist). 

Further support 

Click on the link below to visit a page with information about

  • national websites and sleep organisations
  • local community services in Shropshire, Telford and Wrekin.